butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
