i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
