Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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