who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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