Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
