Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
