Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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