don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
