I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
