Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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