Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
