Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
