so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jerry, you need to find god
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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