I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
