Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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