i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
