Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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