Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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