They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
