hotel room ftw
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
