im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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