3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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