Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
