yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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