remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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