I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
