I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
