I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
