porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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