just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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