True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
