Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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