C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
