When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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