During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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