rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
