If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
