I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
