He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
