How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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