That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
