I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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