Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
