Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
