Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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