Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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