Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
