I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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