yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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