fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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