I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
