is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
