I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
