I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
