nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
