Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
