I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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