you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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