his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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