The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
