I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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