sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
