i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
