I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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